Second Entry, bruv

Ah jeeze, there were a few spelling errors in the last blog post…so embracing!!! Anyway. More developments in my creative projects.

The metal EP, which originally was going to be three metal songs and one piano composition, has faded away in my mind. My full effort is going to the acoustic guitar/singing album. I shouldn’t even say “effort.” I’m just simply more interested in this group of compositions, which have been wonderfully crystallizing into very pure songs.

Letting my work fade away is a pattern. I am not ashamed of it, though. It is because the exciting part for me is the creative process, and once the writing and recording have been completed, the rest of the process CAN FEEL less creative and more functional. The creative part is most exciting for me. I need to remind myself that there is creativity to be had in every step of the process. You also have the option of pursuing the driest, most functional process possible. Don’t do that unless you want to sound like 90% of what is already out there. It takes effort to be creative—allow yourself the effort, just to see what happens.

This metal EP is now added to a folder called “IRADWO experiments,” or something like that. I checked in with this folder, lo and beHOLD UP QUEEN, there are like ~20 very intriguing recordings from the past 6 months! Nothing I ever intended on releasing, just experiments. In the same way that I return to my acoustic songs with fresh ears on the voice memos app to re-evaluate, I listened to these forgotten experiments. I like them! But I don’t know what any of it is. It is many things. One song is just a weird synth sound for less than a minute, but it is so intriguing. You’re in, Weird Synth Song. There are a few black metal songs with poor double-kick drumming (I am getting better). I recall this experiment was to test my tremolo picking speed, to see if I can hold my own against the big boys of speedy pickin’. I love it! You’re in, Speedy Pickin’. To conclude this thought, I am going to try to finish these recordings, and release them as a sort of compilation album. For the cover, I usually would do an acrylic painting with intense motions and splattering. But recently, I have taken an interest in watercolor: another medium to explore and experiment! So, I figure it would make perfect sense to have one of my watercolor paintings as the cover of this experiments album. I am hesitant to even tell anyone about this release. A post about it on instagram wouldn’t even get attention unless I summoned the bots or do a reveal of some kind. Ah, that’s it! It will be an ~a l b u m r e v e a l~!!!…Do you see these hurdles I create for myself? So much wasted time—hilarious.

The acoustic album has developed in concept, too! The core of this project is the minimal, and highly effective nature of these compositions. Perfectly concise songs. This is a thought of mine that built up like a Jenga tower, with Ryuichi Sakamoto ending the game of Jenga with a full-force swing of a baseball bat. I have been so inspired with Sakamoto in the same way I was with Mozart months back. This is my key take-away: YOU HAVE SAID ENOUGH. For someone who loves to nervously fill the air with sound, whether it comes from my mouth or guitar, this has been huge for me. A melody may have its expected ending, or it may end with an exciting unexpected shift in scale. But to simply stop! Allowing that space to be the final punctuation of a phrase! Embracing (or should I say embarrassing—callback to my opener) the simplicity, yet conveying something so complex. It’s wonderful. In my improvisations, I might find myself trying to cover all grounds, saying it all so I can get my point across. BOO! This does not help me understand, it only overwhelms and confuses the message! You were given a pure crystal and created a hot dog! No! (Reading this back, I am unsure if that will make sense to people…) To conclude THIS thought, I am expanding the limitations on this project, because all I want to accomplish is highly purposeful expression. So any instrument, any style, as long as it is minimal and effective. (Cut to me performing a vocal solo screaming for 2 minutes. I’LL DO IT, I DON’T EVEN CARE. Haha.)

Performance anxiety comes from over-valuing your performance. So overly attached that the smallest details are inflated to be as important as the main message! Good God, and you may have 100 details to support the main message. “If I mess up a single detail, the main message will fail!” Great, and wrong. Now you have 101 main messages to perform. Way to make it impossible for yourself.

There is a beautiful sweet spot of focus during a performance where you are locked in, yet released from expectations. In other words, enjoying the music. That is all you have to do to perform well.

A slip in focus happened just today while recording piano: “it is now recording, ok. Oh boy heh. *gulp* Um shoot, where to I put my fingers again?” NO! The reason you’ve been practicing it perfectly for an hour prior is because you were listening to the music, not because you are hyper-focused on finger placement. In my experience, the moment you start thinking about yourself, you are prone to slipping focus, because you are no longer thinking about the music. Yet, this happens often, because I have Silly Human Brain Syndrome (not a real syndrome). So quickly get back in the flow of loving the music, no worries about your slip of focus, you can still have a perfect performance and slip. Actually, maybe slipping isn’t real. Your mind will just notice things. It’s normal. Relax, and connect to the sound.

Lastly, I have come to the realization yet again, that being creative does not mean doing something original. Originality will happen naturally through exploration and following your gut. Doing what you uniquely want to do. In my opinion, “creativity” is just a fun word for “make stuff.” There are no secret criteria such as, “it needs to be better than your favorite artist’s work, yet accessible enough so your grandma doesn’t get angry at you for being edgy.” The biggest challenge for me in being creative, is setting time aside for myself to be creative. Once I’m there, I just do something and see how it makes me feel. (Cut to me performing a vocal solo screaming for 2 minutes. “Ow, my throat.” Cut to me practicing scream vocals in my car for the next two years. Cut to me forgetting my car door window is rolled down and I accidentally verbally launch a sewer system of gargling screams at my local sheriff. Cut to me getting pulled over to find out my local sheriff is a huge fan of Cannibal Corpse and gives me donut as reward for my secret two years of practice screaming. Cut to me pulling over in a panic, because that gift donut I ate was made with soybean oil, in which I am allergic. Cut to me feeling poorly for half a day, then feeling better enough to try vocal screams again. Cut to me perfecting my vocal scream, because the residual pain in my allergy-attacked gut motivated me to use my diaphragm differently which allowed me a PERFECT SCREAM! Cut to me re-recording the scream song and releasing it on bandcamp to be discovered by deceased jazz legend Miles Davis. Cut to Miles Davis emailing me “can you scream in swing time?” Cut to me emailing deceased Miles Davis “woO miles dAvis, waitttt what.” Cut to me waking up from a weird donut-induced dream. Cut to me never remembering this dream ever again and I am actually the cop the whOLE TIME YOU’RE UNDER ARREST.) And feeling things is cool, so I implore you do make stuff.

First Entry, bruv

Here is where I am at right now. I wrote 100 songs in the last few months, and I’ve whittled it down to 17 that I wish to record. I’ve committed to the style of acoustic guitar + vocals, hopefully recorded live in one take—sometimes a daunting task if I only finalized the written song in the same day. 17 is a lot, and maybe should be split into two releases. For my own sense of progress, and for the enjoyment of the listener; if a project is too large, the core essence of the album is prone to being watered down. Especially for myself, whose style rapidly changes. I used to ruin my own songs by trying to make one song 10 different things (less impactful). Now, my goal is to understand the core of what I am trying to accomplish, and work towards that with every decision. Making 10 songs one thing; a concise album! The message is clear in an album like Immutable by Meshuggah or Dark Side of the Moon imo. The excitement (and maybe intense nervousness leading to procrastination, or vice versa) comes from exploring this ONE concept you wish to create from. It is also a practice of understanding yourself to create genuine self-expression. “How do I feel?…I feel so incredibly happy that I wanna go buy a car and gift it to the CEO of Ralph’s for the sole reason of how I am FEELING!” So make punchy, high-energy sounds with the instrument you want to play! Or, “I feel so low and frazzled that I cannot bare to concern myself with anything faster than a snail’s pace.” So make spacious drone music with the instrument you want to play! For me, the perfect explanation of self-expression is DO WHAT YOU WANT.

As of two days ago, what I wanted to do was NOT to work on my 17 acoustic songs, it was to make challenging, high-energy, hard-hitting, throw-you-off-your-feet-and-into-a-batmobile music! So I scat-vocalized and recorded three songs, improvising intense rhythms and grooves to a metronome. Then immediately recorded the drums to the scat-voc’s. Yesterday, I replaced the vocal demo with real guitars and came out wonderfully. The entire song was created and recorded in less than an hour of work, and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve made. There are two more songs in that style to record guitars and bass to. I also composed a short piano piece that I wish to put on the 4-song EP. And I’m doing that because it excites me. It excites the me that is alone and centered, without any external validation needed. This is MY expression, not yours. Otherwise it’d be your expression, and expressing you is not my job. I am aggressive in this stance, because I’ve experienced that art is lessened when the desire of the audience is foremost in the mind of the artist.

With 1/4 songs completed for this heavy metal EP, I am inspired to potentially add more songs to this. Because with this achievement of song 1, I can’t help but think that if I allowed myself more time to sit on these original scat-demos, would I be able to convey the core of this music even better? So as an experiment, I might create another demo tonight, and rework it until it is undeniably incredible. The process of finding golf is mining for hours until you find a nugget…might as well enjoy the sifting process while you’re at it. Without sifting, there is no gold. Unless you trip and fall into gold, which has happened to, but not something to bet on. Erwi erwi dj scratch sounds. G’day.