Blog
Todays reflection 4826
27% less monthly visitors to my website.
Scott Niedermayer, number 27 of the Anaheim Ducks. I found my old bobblehead of him today.
Don’t confuse your e’s and i’s. I ate some cheese and I own it in my thighs.
Craiglist scam listing for “freelance writer for blog posts.” A good job for me—I can remain an opinionated human in private on public domain.
My lovely lady watches love on the spectrum instead of hanging with her love who‘s on the spectrum. That’s ok, we clap love clap t clap v clap.
How much is a person supposed to think? Sounds like a question that leads to mental troubles.
I did 14 things today and that’s about the most I can do in a day. One thing per hour if I get my desired amount of sleep.
I need to get out of my own way and fail.
It’s hard to make career moves when my business partners don’t make eye contact with me.
I quit energy drinks yesterday. Today’s red bull did me good. I quit energy drinks.
I now hear an owl and a motorcycle. Good for that owl to learn how to ride.
Health first
I took a couple days of rest from the music creation, sorta. Going full steam into another project was overwhelming and there were too many mental constructs blocking me. Firstly, I was tired, and the music is going to be a direct result of how I’m feeling. So I tried to make something and it sounded…tired. I want the music and art to be a result of my life experience. I need to rest and let the inspiration return on its own accord. So many challenging things came up subconsciously when I was tired and creating art. A lot of “you can’t do that, it has to be this other way.” And not seeing a way out. But there’s no right or wrong, it’s just DO. And when I’m rested and healthy, the DO comes easy. The DO comes from a place of strength and interest in the work. But when I’m tired, all signs point towards self-protection, so it is impossible to be vulnerable to let the output of art flow. Art for me seems to require personal safety and health. And I can happily do whatever I want from there. My main difficulty with art is entirely unrelated to art. The challenge is being a healthy happy human. Then the art will happen naturally. I heard cigarettes make you healthy and happy. Just kidding. Energy drinks do, though. Perhaps I’m a little redundant in this post. Hope it inspires health and happiness!
New album called Sprinkles!
https://thescottdunningextravaganza.bandcamp.com/album/sprinkles
I created this album in the last couple weeks. It’s called Sprinkles, in reference to the cover art I made. I’m very happy with it all! I am proud to have made what felt good in the moment, and for staying creatively open. My goal was to create whatever I wanted to, and to take risks in the process. Whenever I was on the fence about something, I always chose the more extreme option. I always took the path where I didn’t know what the end result would look like. It’s pretty funny though, because this album is awfully tame and not that extreme at all.
Now I’m thinking forward to my next project—I’m doing recording experiments and making visual art to feel out what I’m interested in. It’s also nice to reflect for a moment on the most exciting parts of Sprinkles which I can take forward with me and explore more of. I have also been learning that art seems to be most intriguing to me when my ego is completely disconnected from the art. By that, I mean to be unattached to the outcome and not be personally bothered if it isn’t good to me. Quite a strange paradox! I become most interested in the work I do that I created in a state of disinterest. Sorry if that’s confusing. Let me explain: I create the art from a place of happiness! I am not creating for survival, but for the joy of doing something. And that allows my exploration process to be totally free—anything that is made will be fine with me, because I just want to make anything. I enjoy the outcome of the art when I make it from a place of being outside of my own head. I overthink all day long and I’m constantly bombarded with expectations to do things that others think I should do. So when I make art, I don’t want to think about myself or others. It’s my time to be free of everything, and I don’t think a thing in the process.
Here’s a thought I’ve been thinking recently: the part of your brain and self that works to do whatever it is you do is outside the confines of spoken language. Basketball players get interviewed and they say, “yeah, I go fast and score.” And there’s nothing else you can say about it, yet there’s an entire universe of thought and feeling outside of the describable that enables a person to do what they do. Interviews and descriptions will simply never be enough, because the inner processes are infinite and undefinable. When moving, you don’t think in words. Maybe you CAN talk to your dog, but in the language of action and not words. Communication in action. Sprinkles album is instrumental yet seems to communicate something. I’m very interested in communication outside of words. It’s slightly unfortunate though, because a human voice is so capturing in music. Maybe it’s about being in tune with what the music says to you, and add lyrics that speak those things. Rawr I’m bored. til next time
Nothing happens in this post because the words got dashed out and I don’t know how to fix it.
Tonight’s drawing to unwind. Feeling ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BROTHER STOP DASHING OUT MY WORDS. Ok nvm. I should ask artifial thinker to write my blog for me.
Check 1 2. K still doing it. Where’s a zoomer.
Slow brains
Slow brains mmmmmm I gotta do some pushups to get it goin. Slow is fine, but I wanna move.
Also, art is easiest to do when you feel good. Anything is easiest to do when you feel good.
Considering getting a game for nintendo switch, but difficult to justify when I could make art instead. Maybe I’m grappling with when to NOT make art. Best not overthinK and just do what I want to do. Oh ya, that was a thought I had last night—the magic and SIZE of art when I first was getting really into it as a kid. The AWE! It’s very interesting to learn and master certain skills. I’m not a master at anything, but the mountain to overcome with every project becomes more matter-of-course, and less so the mystical journey getting lost in the weeds that cover the mountain. I am still in awe when two parts of music intertwine and create something new like magic. But having experienced the process before, like a scientist, I have accurate foresight. The equations hold true. So the magic comes in experimentation for me. Exploring something new. The cool part is that there is a decision made every moment which is an opportunity to consider something new. Whether or not these decisions are conscious or not, the opportunity is there with every move. So I think that is the essence of “beginner’s magic”: when everything is new, you are tasked to consider every single detail, because you have no perspective on what’s of great or little importance to the process.
And the details that become important are subjective, too.
Beginner’s magic in the creative process is also amazing, because in order to simply finish something, you may overlook important details which will yield something unique.
I feel like I want to regress as much as progress. Regressing intellectually—releasing what I’ve learned and not relying on habits or patterns to get me through a creative project. You’ll notice prolific artists, or even studio engineers, will find their style and stick to it. This interests me. Of course everyone has their preferences, but abiding by a single process will yield the same result every time. We need the NEW. Ok later, peace. Thanks for letting me warm up my brain and talk things out, homie.
Directions Dimensions Depths
This drawing really fascinates me. It has me thinking about shedding the past, yet the past is still apart of us and propels us to the next step. In these drawings and in my music, it is always so fascinating how every step is a rebirth of sorts—a reaction to the last step that gives direction and life to the next. Kind of like the breath! Each inhale leads to the exhale. And each exhale leads to the inhale. I’ve been inhaling and exhaling for as long as I can remember. Hahaha. Anyways who cares, I’ma set a world record for how much coffee a person can drink in a day. Jk. Jk.
I’m in it now! Selfish creativity.
I saw a pattern when I closed my eyes last night. I tried to replicate that with this drawing. And today I will make MUSIC just as myself. Such a beautiful feeling to release all outside expectations and influences when creating. It’s nice for the spirit to be inspired, but that inspiration doesn’t require me to recreate someone else’s art, it adds fuel to my own curiosity and excitement to do my thing. I’m going to pick up the guitar and play exactly what I want. I also just had this thought that I’m always trying to do the song justice when recording. I’m not sure if I even care about that now either. I just want to do exactly what I want to do. I don’t even want to serve the art, I want to serve myself! Haha. Selfish art is funny. I’ma do that.
An extension of yesterday
I figured out some more things. My musical influences are too important for me to try to recreate.
I have great admiration for so many artists, and I feel myself refer to their influence often in my own work. But it doesn’t feel good anymore to approach my own creative projects trying to replicate their work. Something in me feels off when I do that, and I feel insecure. I think I feel this way, because it’s dishonest! (Maybe.) I’m excited about the NEW and exploration for myself! I only want to do art for myself, even though it’s fun to share afterwards. All my favorite artists have achieved something interesting to me by taking risks and being committed to their own direction! That is what I’m inspired by. When I approach a project by trying to do what others have already mastered, I expose myself to crazy self-judgement. Because I am never going to make a better version of their work. I value their work too much. So again, instead of being hung up on the surface level aspects of another artist’s work, I am more inspired by their commitment to their own curiosity and exploration! Honest art. It doesn’t feel good to try to be someone else. I don’t know who I am, but I know I’m not them. And making my own art helps me understand who I currently am.
Here is my drawing from this morning.
Andy Warhol Documentary
Documentaries can annoy me, because they present a history as if the people they’re discussing knew exactly what their own futures were to become. All the documentarian knows is the fact of what happened and they present the bare facts. I understand that. But it rarely captures the uncertainty and emotion people of the past might have felt. I’m always gaslit into thinking I need to know every step of my own future. This is probably a me problem. This Andy Warhol doc sorta unearthed this feeling that I don’t know who I am, and it really flustered my own understanding of my creative endeavors. I journaled some thoughts and came to this 3-part conclusion: 1) I don’t need to know who I am. 2) Just start making the art. 3) React accordingly when making the art.
Here were a couple drawings I did before the doc flustered me. You can see that I naturally reacted from the first drawing (orderly geometric triangles and lines) to create the second drawing (disorderly something something). So I was already starting and reacting (and not knowing who I was). And it’s good!
Be as extreme as possible 1/16/26
I need to go harder and be more extreme in the music and art. Trying to understand the mindset of that creation. I think there’s a level of disconnect from the art. I don’t personally need to BE extreme, but I want to see the art become extreme. I wanna make myself laugh with this stuff! That’s where I’m at currently.
I won’t draw my neighbor’s black Civic.
Today’s morning drawing! It interests me how my controlled drawing replicates my uncontrolled splatter paintings. I guess I really gravitate towards that type of design. Maybe because I don’t really care about things. So drawing a thing, like an apple or cat sounds uninteresting for me. I feel that art can be anything, so why create something that I see every day. That’s how I feel when making my own art. But I greatly respect other artists that want to recreate things. Maybe I’d recreate what I see in my day if I enjoyed what I saw. My neighbor’s 2008 black Honda Civic is the perfect object. So beautiful. So inspiring.
While drawing this sketch this morning, I ended up looming on a gentle feeling that creating art is what makes me feel best. I couldn’t tell you why, but it gives me purpose. And it feels like a point of relation to reflect the world off of. A way of understanding myself. I did what felt good without any forethought, made a new thing, and now I look at the world again after seeing this new thing. “So this weird abstract thing (my sketch) came from me…and that weird abstract thing (the world) came from something else. Maybe I see how these two things relate, and what of the world catches my eye, catches my interest.”
I am going to focus on making a batch of EP’s. 4 songs each. Bust em out like hot cakes. Under the artist name Metasmith. EP’s seem like enough commitment to an idea. And I want to explore many different ideas. AND I do not want to make an album with 15 different ideas. I like when a musical release, or any piece of art, is just one cohesive concept, so I know exactly what I’m in for. In a sense, it’s the limitations of staying in one style to force creativity within that. I can keep talking but I gotta move on with my day. Peace
Feeling ambitious for 3 seconds
Today’s morning drawing and the moon on the lighthouse.
A personal detail I don’t usually like to share, but after a challenging bout of depresh mode during this past holiday time, I’m feeling normal again. And with good energy comes a sense of urgency to accomplish the things I have to do. I’ve learned that it’s best to take a step back before following this wave of urgency to figure out what I’m working towards. Like aiming the bow before I release it, because I can’t steer when I’m airborne. It’s a feeling of healthy discontent, my soul is a bit stirred! And the solution for me is to create art. Today, I think I’ll aim the bow. And in the following few months, I’ll be airborne haha. I might land in another city if I pull back hard enough on the bow. We’ll see. Ambitious.
Recording two new projects
Today, I recorded drummies for 2 new albums that will be coming out in the next month or so. It will be awesome.
Maturing into an adult
I think a great mindset for myself is to liberate others. I would love to have that sentiment become a deeper part of myself. Buddhism would add, “liberate others from what?” Their answer would be to liberate from suffering. Makes sense to me. Sometimes I can be caught up in my own direction so much so that I think everyone else’s destiny is to follow MY path. But everyone has their own path. Best thing to do is to support them on theirs.
I might’ve breathed microplastics today, and I might’ve eaten moldy bread today, but I think I’ll be fine.
I am weaning off coffee. It uncomfortably amplifies my sensitivities and puts me right on the line before adrenaline spikes and panic attacks. I had some green tea this morning instead, and my body was normal. It is great to be normal. I’m so normal that I bought a nice button-down shirt at Target on clearnace for $9 today. Call me normal.
I only want to wear nice clothes now. My taste has suddenly changed, and I have become bored and bothered by t-shirts with logos. I think it is uncool for myself to continue wearing these t-shirts. It feels like I attended a convention a decade ago, got this promotional t-shirt from a company I do not care to support, and now out of laziness it is within my top few shirts in rotation today. It feels wrong to me now. Driving by Cirque du Soleil the other day, I witnessed the many attendees getting out of their cars and walking to the entrance. All the women were beautifully dressed and put together. Good job ladies! Beside them walked all these TRUCKER BOY DADS wearing…logo t-shirts, sandals, baseball hats, trucker hats, ratty shorts, nicotine gum, etc. Boys, c’mon. This is a jarring lack of effort. So glad all the automobile companies from 20 years ago are represented here at Circle Sun Do Cartwheels. I can’t grasp the culture around me when all the boyos do not care to represent themselves, but represent companies instead. I guess culture around my area is companies. I want to represent myself. It’s ironic that the usual business-wear within these companies is the nice button-up shirts and all.
I am such a gemini. I said I want to support people earlier in this post, and now I’m being critical of people doing what I was doing just yesterday (wearing a t-shirt)…I don’t believe in astrology.
Now, I actually am also a boy that does not care how I look. Where my sudden philosophy comes in, is that your effort into your own presentation is a sign of respect to others. It shows that you are in control of yourself. A safe, good person. Truly. “Godspeed, respectful sir. Your buttoned shirt is so natural, I didn’t even see it.” That’s how I’d like it. It has nothing to do with your own personal gain, but all to do with making the world a little bit more beautiful. Even though the ease of a t-shirt is nice, I’m not in the mood for ease. It seems that my effort put towards my own presentation of self puts other people’s minds at ease. I wore a nice shirt today and a lady felt totally comfortable asking me a question about something. That was nice that she felt comfortable. (I then dabbed, stole her purse, and ran into a wall, proving that even the nicest dressed man can be a psychopath! Jk.)
It’s been a few weeks since deleting all my social media accounts (not sure if this blog is considered social media). My favorite part about it has been the space it’s allowed my brain during the in-between moments. MY SPACE, you could say. Ideas naturally start to come up as the brain now has time to process things. It’s honestly hilarious that this has any novelty at all—AH! A THOUGHT APPEARED! I’M THINKING, DAD! The truth is, sometimes nothing happens in a moment, and that’s the way it should be. And it feels good to acknowledge that nothing is happening. It is ok and peaceful. Smile at the nothing. After some nothingness, I may start to ponder my goals for the day. I end up working towards those goals. Problem solving is made easier when not distracted by social media, or even distracted by the craving of social media. I also am realizing how intense the competitive aspect of social media is. It is so hard to feel valued when the numbers are right there to tell you someone else is doing “better” than you. Buddhism would ask, “Better than you at what?” Better at suffering. Makes sense to me! Haha. I’m not actually sure if Buddhism would say that, but it does make sense to me, and the call-back seemed worth it.
Blog Conclusion: <coffee money = >clothes money
PS - Sorry if I sounded cynical about boys wearing shirts, anyone can do what they want. But I’m noticing that dressing nice is nice. Till next time!
Gathering my thoughts this morning
Randy Rhoads passed away in 1982 at the age of 25. I just turned 25. Knowing his brief, yet powerful legacy, I am inspired to become the rockstar that he once became.
I am no longer afraid of spiders. I peacefully relocate a spider outside about once a day, and we are all best friends now. They are just babies running around freely.
I got a record at the thrift store, but the actual vinyl itself was a different record. It wasn’t “Love Song” by Anne Murray (was interested what that might sound like), it ended up being disc 2 to Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. Hilarious. And it also is great. Great disco grooves with a full orechestra and some out-of-place synthesizer sounds. I just did 100 pushups to this music. 10x10. 3rd set always feels the best.
Guitar. I am really putting my finger on why my own sound is less exciting to me these days. Mindless vibrato. I want to purposefully play a note still as glass, or as wiggly as jello in an earthquake.
I’m obsessively studying simplicity in music.
My brain stopped, and now I must go practice music. Ttyl